Born in Osaka, Japan

9th of August 1978, I was born in Sakai city, Osaka, Japan, It is a suburb of big town Osaka.

Grow up with parents and mother of father, 7 years older brother and 6 years older sister.

My mom told me I was start read book since 3 years old.

When I was 4 years old, parents are divorce. Caused by problem between one’s wife and one’s mother, also father got crazy to gambling then made big debt, same time mother get involved deeply to Jehovah’s witness.

There is no future for gambling husband and religious wife.

I was always stay with grandma but I went away with mother because I could only sleep with mom at night time.

Start life with mother and me, by the time when I go to elementary school, my sister joined us.

Weak Bullied child

When I was in elementary school I was not interested to sports at all, also mother doesn’t force me to do it. I was reading book in class room while all schoolmates ware playing outside in break time.

I was smart child, most of exam I got point 100 out of 100. Weak point is memory and writing. I could not remember Kanji alphabet.

My hand writing is not so good, very rarely I meet someone who have bad writing than me. When I meet bad writing person, we always become good friend.

My character  was very shy and quiet. Teacher said often I don’t have cooperative mind.

Often I got bullied in school because of quiet and gentle personality with weak body.

Now I look back past, I was thinking I got bullied all the time but actually not that bad, I was just weak position child.

 

Grow up as child of Jehovah’s witnesses

What is difficult that time is activity of Jehovah’s witness. Knocking door of someone’s house with necktie is hell for kids. I wanted to born in normal family, I was cursing my life fortune so many times.

I was grown up to be elite of Jehovah’s witness. My mom didn’t let me watch any aggressive TV or comics.

I feel happy about I didn’t grow my aggressiveness at now, but it was difficult for my childhood. When my friends talks about TV, I leave away quietly.

It was very suppressed environment, my character was totally dead. More accurate to say I was not born yet. I survive difficult life situation by not exist. I success to not feel suffer, but I could not feel joy neither.

It was like a cray puppet, just listen what mother said, if I against her, she beat me with whip of love.

Most of my picture that time is glared camera without smile. I can imagine how I was angry inside.

 

Suffering teenager

Since teenager, I became more twisted inside.

It was easy to study in elementary school but after junior high school, I couldn’t follow study.

One time I got 1 point out of 100 point in English exam. I didn’t understand anything, I just wrote a,b,c,d,e…. one by one then I got correct one point. I thought I will never speak English. hahaha.

I didn’t have any reason to study. I thought I could not go to university because my family is poor. I didn’t know there is way to borrow money from government to go to university.

Now I think, maybe my mom hide to me this info about government supports the student to go to university.

Because Jehovah’s witness doesn’t recommend people to have high education. They think if you have time to study, just use energy for god. Then you can go to paradise and live happily forever.

Now I know this idea of believing paradise is deeply effected to my life.

I got bullied in junior high school often, when I have to go to school in morning, I get diarrhea caused by nervousness then take off day from school. That kind of day, I steal money from mom’s wallet and go to play computer game in town.

Maybe these very strict religious education make twist my conscience. I stole many things when I was 14 years old. Bad one was steal money from donation box of shrine. Such a bad karma…

In the end of junior high school days, I thought if i continue like this, my life gonna be worth and worth then I start study by my own intention. My exam point was getting better but it was too late to go to good high school.

In the end I went to low class high school. This school was highly recommended by Jehovah’s witness, because of accepting when people doesn’t take Judo class.

There was lots of bad boys in this high school. No one has energy to study or even to live life positively. 30% of student will dropout in the end of school time.

 

Beginning of explosion

It was just continuous hell time for me. When I finish school, I needed to join Jehovah’s witness activity.

I didn’t have girlfriend or even just friend in general. Only place I can rest and run away is read comics in book store on the way between school and home.

When I was 16 years old, big earthquake happened in my area. School was off that day. I was strongly pray to destroy everything in the world.

Time of elementary school and junior high school, still I could stand on difficult life situation because I was not born yet, I was not exist. Didn’t feel any emotion.

But after high school days, my ego was start to born. After 17 years old birthday, I start to see 20 years old (This is age officially recognized as adult in Japan) is getting closer.

This was the trigger to first and biggest explosion in my life!!

 

To be continued….

2 thoughts on “From birth of body to birth of ego (Past 001)

  1. Ive known you for a while now brother ,but just from around the fire.
    Thank you for sharing more of yourself.

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