(This is I posted on another blog on 9th Nov 2016)
Invited to TV show
I want to share story from last days.
Since last year, I got keep invited to join to the audition of talent contest.It’s called Romanian got talent, it is famous TV program, you may have it in your own country as well.
Every time I got invited, I keep saying NO. Because I’m not that interested and also felt lazy to do it. I already got enough attention from people and enough money to live life. But since few month ago, this invitation is become much more strong.
I start to think maybe this is an invitation from universe to go that direction of connect to majority of people to share myself? I have nothing to lose, why not to enjoy this opportunity?
Confusing to be famous
Then, I went to first audition in Timişoara, Romania about two months ago. Anyway I needed to pick up stuff from my friend’s apartment (my own apartment in past) This was first one out of 4 audition. I went and I played a bit. They like what I do and I passed audition. That time they shoot an interview of me and shoot extra video of I play music.
I thought, ahh maybe they want to use my video for TV, it could be good attraction for people who watch in Romania. I’m strange Japanese guy living in Romania. It is already good attraction.
After that audition, I start really thinking and considering is it really the direction I want to go? What I want to do in my life? Do I want to be famous? Make lots of money but could lose freedom?
I know I really want to express myself through my art and want to share this feeling with everyone. Also I enjoy to have lots of money.
But definitely I don’t want to be famous and get noticed wherever I go. It’s already happening without TV and I feel tired of it.
I was really confused about my direction last time I was confused this much last time was 3 years ago. I was confronting to core of myself, which direction I want to go? After one week of confusion and consideration, I reached the conclusion.
I don’t want to be famous but this audition is very good opportunity to people to know my art and also opportunity to make good money, I have debt to pay back to my mom.
I decide to put all my intention and effort to this competition, but stay aware about what’s going on and be ready to get out from that situation any moment of things goes strange for me.
I start to write this blog because of that confusion and conclusion navigate me to I want to express myself honestly.
TV audition in Bucharest
Then, last few days I visited Bucharest, capital of Romania for audition and recording.
I was expected as pass this audition but I will not pass next audition because I’m not Romanian. I know I’m just extra spice for TV show.
After long time waiting, and interview and commercial, finally my turn to perform on the stage. Lots of light towards me, eyes from audience and judges.
I played best of what I can. It wasn’t 100% of my ability, it was about 80%. It was good enough for me, I was really satisfied how I express. I was bit more nervous than I thought it would be, but not that bad as it could be.
But I didn’t pass through audition.
Needs to have 3 YES out of 4 judges. 2 judges said YES to my performance, one judge said NO because he wants me to stay free. Then another judge said NO because she doesn’t see more possibility of performance in farther auditions.
I was surprised because of my expectation. It was just wrong expectation created by my ego. But I didn’t feel any negative feelings. I was satisfied my performance.
After few hours from audition, I start to feel really high because I don’t need to think about when to come back to Romania and don’t need to think complicated things for future.
I’m just free!! I can just follow my flow and no one really care where I’m going.
It was very nice satisfaction Bucharest visit. I was stayed in friend house, who is trans personal psychology Ph.D. We had very interesting conversation. I’ll share it in another post.
Also I made nice recording in recording studio.
This is video of recording.
After all these things in Bucharest, I took train to come back to Sibiu, Romania where I stay in house.
Big mess in home, something happened
When I came back to my room, there was lots of mess by cat which I live with, as usual and as I expected.
But unexpectedly my personal stuff is out of shelf and packed. Someone came into my room and pack it. I was wondering what is really happening??
I thought could be my house mate, but we can not communicate, I don’t speak Romanian, he doesn’t speak English.
Anyway, I’m hungry now, eat something then think later 😉
While I preparing food, room-mate came to me and pass me phone to talk with somebody.
It was lady who is a friend of house owner and she is taking care house. She told me owner of house came back to house while I’m away from house and she was shocked about mess of house.
Yes it is quite mess. I left on Thursday and owner came on Friday. Within this 24 hours cat made big mess for sure.
Two months ago when I came to this house, it was some issue of this tiny kitty. Owner pick up kitty from street just few days before owner leave to Germany. And owner wanted me to take good care of this sickness tiny kitty.
Meanwhile room-mate was taking care cat in entrance room which is dark and small and cold. There is food but there is no love.
So, I start to take kitty to my room but room-mate didn’t like it. For him, animals are livestock, not as pet. He come from mountain village, he have different way of thinking than me.
I decided to ask to house owner’s opinion because this is her house and cat. She decide how we take care cat and house.
She said that’s what she want, she want to take care cat as pet and live inside of house as family.
I confirmed her about cat may create lots of mess and scratch to furniture. And she agree about it.
Suddenly Kicked out from home
Then now, owner came to house and saw lots of mess from cat and shocked about it. Care taker of house ask me to leave right now, she told me by phone. And she said owner don’t want talk to me and see me anymore, she just wants me to leave.
Wwhhaatt?? ? ?
Re, , Really? ?
Yes of cause I can leave, I’m sorry for mess, that’s why I was confirmed before. I did best to take care and give love to kitty which means a cat to be free and make mess instead of put into cage and create space to play around.
Do I really need to leave right now?
I just came back from Bucharest after many hours of train, and I have lots of stuff in house, I was planed to organize it before I leave in 2 weeks. I can not carry out all in once.
Care taker of house said I’m really sorry about it, I told to house owner but she is really angry and don’t want to talk to you at all.
I said ok, ok,, no problem I gonna move out right now. I’m really sorry about what happened and I still appreciate generosity of house owner.
Then I asked my friend to help me to carry out stuff and keep it in his house. Everything ok in the end. I’m on the dormitory bed of hostel in town right now, stay relax.
But I was confusing and shocked. Yes it was definitely mess in the room, I have no excuse for it. But why kick me out?
We can communicate and I can clean all mess and leave next day. Why they tell me in the moment I arrived home, instead of tell me few days before?
All kind of emotion and thoughts coming up. Where to go next 2 weeks until my flight to Thailand? I wanted to spend more lovely time with cat, I need to organize all my stuff….
All kind of emotion but not that negative emotion as usually happen in these kind of situation. Probably because I understand owner’s anger. It was definitely mess, my confirmation about cat’s mess to her wasn’t strongly confirmed enough.
Also me and house owner didn’t connect directly to each other. Always communicate through care taker of house. Owner had space to create very bad image of me in her mind because she doesn’t know me. We ware planning to meet and I cook sushi for them, but too late anyway.
Then next day
Now is next day morning.
I slept well in hostel last night, I meditate in this morning and digest what happened.
After all, I decide to focus on gratitude and appreciation to generosity of owner of house. She let me stay two months for free without knowing me well!
There is many other emotion as well but I prefer to enjoy positive feelings. And probably this will be next flow to take me to next stage.
Same as fail audition. I lose something but it is actually empty my hand to grab next thing.
Am I too much positive stupid guy? Yes, could be…
You’ll see your answer in future post of this blog 😉